hear this new classic: Why is it that Gangsters' parties don't have food. Cause bad man doh cater! XD
Hear this one. It suppose to be true. Man Buy a new Hilux and uses it to go to work in town. Everyday a vagrant would come and etch next to the "4 x 4", " = 16" on the Hilux. The owner would then have to buff it off with some rubbing compound. Eventually the owner got frustrated and painted on " = 16". Felling confident, he return to work in town thinking that he would stump the vagrant. He returned to see "4 x 4 = 16 √" Yes i was drunk when i herd it.
<[carlsberg]> yup....that does suck.... <[carlsberg]> as much as a poor hooker on a friday.... lolrof!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
New CDC Alert The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically. This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever - DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes - Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system. You should immediately forward this medical alert to five friends. If you do not have five friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.
The Genie Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us.' So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, 'Come on in.' When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my window?' 'Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied. 'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself.' Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.' 'No problem,' said the genie. 'You've got it, it's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!' 'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked. 'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world,' she said. 'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire,burglary and natural disasters!' 'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?' ' Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.' The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?' She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?' 'You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. 'I'd do the same for you!' So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of non-stop fun, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, 'How old are you and your husband?' 'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly. 'Really?! Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?'
An Irish Blonde in a Casino An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude." With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!" As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed, "YES! YES! I WON, I WON!" She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I don't know - I thought you were watching." MORAL OF THE STORY: Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men.... are men.
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon A restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling Somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... + Tourist: $5 + Broiled Missionary: $10.00 + Fried Explorer: $15.00 + Baked or Grilled Politicians: $100.00 The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a Price difference for the Politician?' The cook replied, 'Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so Full of shit, it takes all morning.
It was mealtime during an airline flight. 'Would you like dinner?' the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. 'What are my choices?' John asked. 'Yes or no,' she replied.
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. 'Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!' A smart-ass student in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, 'What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?' The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said, 'Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.'
Boss Asks Employee: "Do you believe that there is Life After Death?" Employee: "Certainly not, there's no proof of it", he replied. Boss: "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your brother's funeral, he came here looking for you."
with the same name? but then again, if he ahve more than one brother why would the other brother go to work to look for his brother when the other brother is dead?
allo! allo! man... Rene posing as his dead twin brother Rene. Of course it was actually the same person.
oh GOSH!!!! A paedophile and a small boy are walking though the woods... the small boy turns to the paedophile and says "mister...im so scared" the paedophile replies, "YOU'RE scared??? when we get there im gonna have to walk back all alone!!
Confucius say : It good to meet girl in park, but better to park meat in girl. he also said : Man who scratch bottom, should not bite fingernails.
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.
